sore throats& bad smells

I'm at a point where I don't like how my life feels. I was fine two hours ago but now I just want to collapse on my bed and cry and know everything will be okay but I just don't know if it will. You know, there are only so many bad things you can say or do to people before you realise that what you're doing is all to satisfy yourself except two minutes later you feel worse than ever? And there's only so much abuse you can heap upon your body and mind before you begin to creak and forget how to add and subtract.

As (kind of) excited I am for back to school there's this unshakable feeling of something wrong and it's not just that this is grade twelve. It's... I don't know. I can't deal with large crowds anymore, I get panicked and can't breathe. I can't deal with anything anymore. Maybe writing this in a semi public forum is a desperate cry for help but honestly I don't think anyone that will see this will really care enough to recognize what I'm saying.

As much as I love my friends I feel so lost and alone and apologetic for even living.